I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
