you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
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Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
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yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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