Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
