Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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