Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
