Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
