Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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