goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
