I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
