I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
