seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
