Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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