Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
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