oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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