He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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