Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
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Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
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I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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