I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
