If that was your dad, he is hot
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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