...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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