Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
