Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
