he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
