Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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