I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
