can u get pink eye on your cock?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
