i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
