Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
