i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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