No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I think I just shit out all my problems.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
