Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
