Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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