I wish I could punch you in the face.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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