My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
