my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
