Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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