I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
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