Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
