I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize