I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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