She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
