Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
