You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
