I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
