Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
