Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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