i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
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In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
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But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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