So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
