she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
