i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
How does it feel to date your dad?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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