Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
