she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I think I am morally bankrupt
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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