im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
