I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
