Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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