marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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