I got chris browned last night
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
