Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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