there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Say something about gay babies.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
