Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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