I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
