You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
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