I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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