perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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