you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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