Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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