Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
My dad is sitting where you rode me
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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