The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I will pee on everything he values.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
