lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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