In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
