He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
