drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
