there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
