You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
How does one acquire holy water?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
