The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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