dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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