The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
