Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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